Wedding Jokes
Every wedding speech benefits from one or two well timed jokes on marriage.
Wedding jokes are often the best remembered part of wedding speeches as well as anecdotes. Often the best man or groom will include a quote from someone famous on the subject of weddings and marriage. One of the difficulties facing people making speeches is including wedding jokes which are funny without being offensive.
Wedding Jokes for Speeches
We have compiled a few jokes which we found both funny and appropriate.
Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
- In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
- In the third year, they BOTH speak and the NEIGHBOURS listen.
Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries.
Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!
There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married.... and then it was too late!"
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
I haven't spoken to my Mother-In-Law for eighteen months....I don't like to interrupt her
Husband to wife: Why do you keep reading our marriage licence?
Wife to Husband: I'm looking for a loophole
The bride said she wanted three children, while the young husband said two would be enough for him.
They discussed this discrepancy for a few minutes until the husband thought he'd put an end to things by saying boldly, "After our second child, I'll just have a vasectomy."
Without a moment's hesitation, the bride retorted, "Well, I hope you'll love the third one just as if it's your own."
If a man is in the forest, and there isn't a woman around, is he still wrong?
Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
Blue-haired old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next!"
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals
The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship: "I apologize" and "You are right."
Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said the man.
"Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend.
"I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."
A wedding ring may not be as tight as a tourniquet, but it does an equally good job of stopping the circulation.
A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn't understand two things.
Women, and Fractions.
